|Early spring, 2012|
Of twenty-thirteen and more...
It’s only during these times that you look back at the year and think of how it was. The entire year seems to be a collection of fleeting moments. And it is during December that time seems to slow down. My December days were mostly spent contemplating about how things were during the previous eleven months. Birthdays and New Year’s celebrations remind me that time flies, and it flies fast.
A good friend of mine asked me a question this Christmas eve: Have you ever been in love with your life?
A year before that, if you asked me if I was a happy person or not, I couldn’t even answer that. Yes, 2012 left me scarred in many ways, it left me traumatized. I needed to visit a shrink. Then came 2013 and things changed.
Was it good?
Not necessarily, but it was not bad either. It changed a lot of things. Maybe after 2013, I cannot quite say whether I love my life or not, but at least, now I understand that ‘love’ isn’t quite what it seemed to be. ‘Love’ now does not seem to be an overrated word with very little emotional value.
Changes do not come like that. Changes need to be made. Maybe this was the very first realization that I had in 2013. After having such a great realization, the first thing that I decided to change was my music playlist. Yes, sad love songs out and happy songs in (it starts will small-changes, doesn’t it?). Thanks to a quirky friend of mine for that. It was because of her I started using StumbleUpon and I discovered 8tracks. I found happier songs there. After a few weeks, I was totally hooked to 8tracks.(Yes, this part is totally relevant…)
Yes, the first few days were a bit boring. Except that I finally got the camera I was waiting for. I finally started going out on my own to take photos, I started going out with old friends, tried to reconnect with some of them, built stronger bonds with them.
In the second half, I got occupied with a job. A part time job that got me some cash at the end of the month. It was hard work, and also, I learnt that in reality, earning money is kinda’ hard. However, I still managed to keep it even during the semesters. The job kept me busy. The job made me a more responsible person.
Now, when I look back, I realize, that all throughout the year, there was never a moment when I was bored. I was doing something or the other all throughout the year. I managed my job, my assignments, and my semesters and even through all these, I took photos, I discovered new music, watched new movies and series.
There was a lot that I did in 2013 and that makes me happy.
I found the things I loved doing, I found the people worth loving and worth caring for, and in the end, I started loving myself. So, back to that question again. Do I really love my life? I really did not give much thought to that question back then, but now, when I look back, after this year and the things that I went thorough, small and big, I’ll say maybe yes, I do love my life.
However, loving your life isn’t much of a magical feeling, it is simply knowing who you are and being contented with it.